When we visit the perinatologist at the high risk radiology place, we always leave with pretty grim news. We still praise God every time we see that tiny heart beating, and we always seem to end with the same conversation about trusting in the Lord. And we stayed true to this pattern.
Luna was moving around more than usual which was pretty fun. Her swollen chubby legs and arms waving around to match the bumps and swishes I felt.
The hygroma is still there and probably a little larger than the last time. The fluid buildup is pretty much the same if not slightly worse. But the most recent concern is her lung development (or lack thereof). The cardiologist on Monday described them as “nubbins” and the perinatologist said they were pretty nonexistent. This is a serious concern because for Luna to survive after any kind of delivery, she would really need those lungs.
The doctor said we had three options since the legal age of viability (24 weeks) is fast approaching:
1) Go home and check in again in two weeks, keeping in mind that a stillbirth is a distinct possibility.
2) Check into the hospital and go on full monitors in case the baby’s vitals drop, in which case they would do an emergency delivery. They would probably give me steroids to encourage lung development and Luna’s survival is unlikely in an emergency delivery with her current issues.
3) Check in the hospital and get steroids. Monitor the baby for a while and go home after a time if there are no significant changes.
My gut reaction was to go home and wait, but we didn’t want to miss an opportunity to give Luna a better chance. We discussed the pros and cons of each. Going in the hospital would not be fun because any minor change or drop in heart rate would make the docs decide to force delivery. I would be stuck in that bed away from my family, my students, my friends. (Jen, I have more sympathy for you now than I did. Sorry for not visiting more.)
We chose to wait it out at home. Besides feeling really huge and getting run down and exhausted way easier than I like, I am doing just fine and don’t think being confined to a hospital bed is really the answer. We understand the situation with Luna is pretty dire and that, in all likelihood, we will lose her in the coming weeks. Any efforts are last ditch.
And according to the pattern, we ended the appointment by talking with the doctor about how we have peace knowing that God is in control and everything will go the way it should. Those were the doc’s words and we relished the opportunity to agree wholeheartedly.
So, Luna will probably not survive delivery even if she makes it there, but we definitely know that she has a purpose in her tiny, short life and God is already using her in amazing ways. If God can use an unborn baby girl in such awesome ways, how much more should we be convinced that He has a purpose for each of us?
Thank you all for your love and support. It means so much to us and we know that it would be very different without it. Please keep praying as the further along we get, the closer the end feels and the harder it is to keep our eyes on Christ instead of our own selfish wants and feelings.