The Little Things

I have been debating whether or not I would keep updating my blog now that Luna is gone, but I selfishly have become very dependent on this process of writing. There is something so therapeutic about writing down what is going on because you have to know what you are feeling well enough to explain it.

I thank all of you for taking the time to read this blog because part of this is just knowing that the people around me know what is going through my head. I don’t always articulate myself in person very well and sometimes the awkwardness of the moment makes me anxious. Being a pretty straightforward person, I have a hard time when I am expected to make assumptions in a conversation with someone. If I could trust everyone to just say exactly what they mean and be clear about their expectations in return, maybe I would be better at it. Anyway, long story short, I really am thankful for this opportunity to be open, honest and clear about how I am doing.

In short, some days are better than others. It’s only been a couple of days, but already my emotions are proving to be pretty unstable. We came down from such a high on Friday night where we got to see our girl and had such a feeling of spiritual closeness to each other and God. Now we are being reminded of what we could have had if Luna was healthy and we miss it.

It’s the little things really. I feel like I can handle the big things, but something as small as calling MJ “baby girl” can set me off because we had started calling her “big girl” in anticipation of the new baby. Or the smell of hospital on my clothes because it is so reminiscent of when I brought my other babies home.

It’s kind of a testament to the tendency of the human heart to wander because it really takes very little to make me forget that there is a greater plan in all this. But if I take more than a millisecond to think about things, I feel peace knowing that our life is in the hands of a sovereign, righteous and loving God. I realize that I have already been blessed with more than I deserve and even if I never get anything I want from here on out, I will still rejoice because what I truly want is what God wants.

And as we move from here, I will be able to post pictures of all the little things we are doing to remember our baby Luna and those things – even thinking of those things – remind me that my time without Luna and without my brother Jake is short compared to the time I will get to spend with them in heaven. Praise God for giving us these huge hearts with huge emotions so we can spend eternity pouring out our love and worship for him.

The first memorial was Bo’s idea entirely. We gave him a few ideas, but he was so excited about putting out a “flag” that was very specific. It says “We love you Luna! You’re in heaven now!” My sister jumped right on it and it was up before Friday afternoon. Bo also wanted to make sure she didn’t tie down the bottom of the flag because he wanted it to “flap and flap and flap.”

20121126-090828.jpg

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “The Little Things

  1. Mrs. Korn,
    I am glad that you have decided to continue to write. The story has not ended yet! I think you should continue because Luna may be gone from our world, but she is not gone in your memories here. You have been an encouragement to me and I am sure that by continuing to write you will continue to be a blessing.
    Journaling is something we encourage our patients to do in the hospital to cope positively. I also find it helpful; I wrote a lot when my doggy died and it just help me sort through everything I was feeling.
    Love you and praying for you and your family!
    – Christine B.

  2. I agree with Christine B. Your blogs are such a testimony and insperation to all. You are a special family and loved by many.

    -Mamma S

  3. Katie
    My husband and i have been thinking and praying for you and your family. I actually saw something hanging from the porch of your house yesterday on my drive home from Frederick. Glad i now know what it says. Praying for peace and comfort.

  4. I’m not always great at clearly saying what I mean to say. But you are in my thoughts, and I wish I wasn’t so far away so I could be there with you. You are strong and you are a wonderful mother. I’ve had several other close friends lose their babies and I can’t imagine what that is like. Just know that you and your whole family are loved. And it makes me feel good to know that Jakey is taking care of Luna. Love, Valerie

  5. Your blog has blessed my heart beyond words. I praise God that it is therapeutic for you, and I pray that you will continue to use this gift for His glory and your healing.

    Always . . . in all ways . . . love,

    Donna

  6. Thank you for blessing me with your very personal story and your testimony of God’s faithfulness through it. Praying for your family. Dotti

  7. Please keep your entries coming. I look for them daily. They nourish both my faith and my courage. Thank you so much for all that you are teaching me, dear Girl! I love you most dearly. Oa

  8. Katie, I appreciate the opportunity to read your blog. Your writing is clear and shows a strong faith in God. Your writing has blessed me. Sorry I could not help you out with subbing this time. After surgery and a bout with blood clots in his lung he now seems to be healing.
    Love and prayers, Esther Smith

  9. God bless you, Katie. You’ve been through such tough, curdled times. God is using you to glorify Himself through all these things in His mysterious way. May He uphold you today and always with His righteous and powerful right hand.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s